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Death to Censors: Part One

Witness DIC headquarters...

The president and one of his aides are talking...

The aide "Hey, boss, maybe we should translate the rest of the Sailor Moon series. A lot of people seem to think thats a good idea."

boss gives horrified look.

"Dont even suggest that........ We had a hard enough time editing out all the explicit material, and excessive violence fromt the first 3 seasons!!! Do you think we could clean up the rest of the series.... entire episodes would have to be ommited!!!"

"Why do we need to clean....."

"Because..." trys thinking.... finds it too difficult and says. "Because.... censoring out sexualy explicit, and excessively violent things is.......... is........ is.................... is the way." he said.

"Oh." the assistant said.

"Now, lets try getting ready to remake it.... I think this time.... the dress needs to be longer... to preserve the girls modesty."

"good idea."

Makes new drawing of Sailor moon.... with dress all the way to her heels.

"very good... very decent... very american." the boss says.

"Good now... lets try putting a pair of glasses on Ami... fits her nerd image,"

"Huh?" boss says.

"What?" aide asks.

"D-did you draw her to look angry???"

"No, of course not, I know that kids should never be exposed to anger, or malice, or any other such aspect of the real world. why do you-?" looks at drawing.

It has a grimace.

"Just our imaginations." The boss says.

"Yeah." The aide.

"After all , its just a cartoon show." Drawing looks even madder.

"Yeah, a stupid little kids show, Cant see what all these grown ups, both in japan and at home, see in it" Sailor moon looks realy, realy mad now.

"Yeah... which is why were censoring it, to make it nice and safe for children... so they wont understand the way the real world works."

Serena has a look of fierce anger cartoon balloon says. "Oh yeah you bastards?"

Boss and aide exchage glances for a second... than cover their eyes... so increadibly pained to see a profanity written down.

Boss gets out white out, then blindly, still covering his eyes.... try covering the baloon... except he spilled it, and it nearly cover her up.

she was furious.

she jumped out of the drawing... gaining full color and dimension.... and said.

"Think your going to censor things outa me huh? In the name of the moon I will punish you

I am Sailor moon, THe champion of justice in the name of the moon, I will triumph over censorship, and that means you."

"Moon, Tiara...."

"No graitous display of violence!!!!!!!!!!" The boss yells, jumping out in front of her."


hits boss with Tiara around the neck.

he drops down, dead, his head severed.

head yells out... "Im going to report you!!!" She jumps over him her pantys being plainly visible

"No sexual implications!!!!!!!!!!" He roars.

"Hey, your dead, so why dont you just go to hell, ok?"

"No use of Profane..."

Serena stomps on his head, squeshing it.

She heard a voice, from his neck screaming....

"No display of gore!!!"

She got a match , and lit his body on fire.

His ghost came out and said

"Burning a human beings body.... Is a graphic display of violence... particularly after just brutaly murdering the said human being, think of what the children would think if they saw their heroe..."

Serena grabbed a picture of Rei and yelled."

"Rei!!!!!!!!!!!! Come here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

the picture started to move and seemed tired.

Cartoon baloon of "Cant it wait , meatball head?"

"No!!!!!!!!!!! It cant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Serena roared.

"Oh." Rei responded.

Sailor Mars jumped out.

"Good to see you, Usagi." Rei said..

"Huh?" Serena asked, confused.

"Who?" Serena pressed, "Is Usagi???"

Rei sighed... Sailor Moon DID need to get some help. DiC HAD corrupted her, if she could not remember her own name!!!

"Its yours, in the original version, Remember 'Odango Atama!!!??" slaps Usagi

"No diplay of violence moans the ghost.

Usagi sighed.

"Rei..... I kinda need an Exorcism... right now."

"Ok... Usagi"

Rei Put out her hands and said.

"I call upon the power of Mars!!! Drive the spirit of this censor to hell"

"No Profane-" the ghost began

where he belongs." She finished.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled , as a crack opened up in the ground ... and sucked him down.

"Phew glad to be rid of him."

Suddenly there was a minature volcanic erruption and the Devil came out with the censors ghost and said

"Im sorry, but the standards in hell are too high for him to remain here."

"What are you doing here???" rei yelled.

"Sailor Moon was made for a Jappaneese Shinto audience!!!!!!!!!!" She yelled

"So?" He asked puzzled

"So according to Sailor Moon......... YOU DON'T EVEN Exist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She roared

"Oh, sorry, Ill take him and leave"


"Have fun in Yomi, Baka Censor." Usagi whispered.

Years Earlier....

Kunzite and His comrade, and gay lover , Zoicite... were dancing together, in a small garden.

Zoicite excused himself to go on solitary walk of meditation...


The censors were plotting evil things....

One of them magically transported himself(Note: this is a dramatization!!!) Into the garden and found Zoicite...

Zoicite notice him and snarled

"Who are you???"


"Someone whos going to turn you into a woman, so parents arent offended by the presence of a gay couple in the show." The censor replied smoothly.

"Like hell you are!!!" Zoicite snarled "Kunzite Loves me just fine the way I am, thank you very much"

the censor smiles.

"Actualy... its malachite now..."

Zoicite shook his head

"Im a member of the dark kingdom, I work for queen Beryl, and Queen Mettalia... And Ive never met some one as sick and twisted and you , you bastard"

The censors eyes grew serious.

"That language... even comeing from a vilain , is not acceptable... and its not the Dark Kingdom anymore... It's the Negaverse, and its not Mettalia, it's the Nega force... "

The censor smiled cruely.

"And its not a he any more... it's a her."

Zoicite charged... struggling to retain his masculinity.

Mean while Kunzite hearing the Telepathic plea from Zoicite that a terrible tragedy was ensuing managed to reach the location... and attacked the censor...

But then... the censor got out his "All evil device for changing, genders, name, voices, and personalitys... and turned it on "Name" and shot Kunzite....... Or Malachite, as he must now be called.

Malachite was thrown back helpless.

Then the Censor switched it on "gender" and shot Zoicite.

"Zoicite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Malachite yelled helpless... as he saw his best friend and lover... grow breast...(Albeit small ones) , And undergo a slight reduction in height and change in facial features... and hair.)

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Malachite yelled

the censor laughed (Think Like emeralds laugh concerning how pretty it is) then disappeared.

A few hours later...

Malachite was struggling to revive Zoicite.

"Zoicite...... wake up..." he said worried.

"Kunz........ I can't even remember your name!!!!!!!" She yelled in horror.

Then she heard the sound of her own voice.... And gasped in horror a new.

"Mal.......achite..... am I .... Am I..."

He shook his head...

"You're a Female now, Im afraid."

Her face fell.

"DiC will place will pay for this....." He promised viciously.

"They will" She agreed.

She cried...

"Im going to be a female.... For the rest of eternity...

he shook his head.

"Don't worry... Im sure we can find a way to change you back... we have to."

***** Present.

Zoicite and Malachite... Have been ressurected... and Zoicite is STILL a woman... (And very un happy about her current gender.)

Zoicite was having a vision... in which Sailor Moon...their emeny.... Was killing A DIC Censor."

She awoke and cried "Malachite!!!!"

He ran in and said... "What is it ... dearest?"

"I had a vision... Sailor Moon... was fighting DiC Censors."

"But shes our emeny!!!" Malachite Protested.

Zoicite shook her head...

"That doesn't change things... If I am ever to rerturn to my proper gender... We must allie with Sailor Moon."

To be Continued...

Whew... Whats going to happen... is Zoicite going to become male again... or is she going to be a she For eternity.

Will Sailor Moon succesfully defeat DiC?

Find out... soon!!!"

Please send all compliments... praise... and flying ice crystals to

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