Director: WAIT! STOP! What the H**L is going on here?
Announcer: Ah, sorry Sir. Someone mixed the cue cards up.
Cue Card Guy: Sorry there! They're all fixed now!
Announcer: Ah…yes…here we go. (Dramatic music starts playing) Finally, after three episodes of waiting, the final battle between the Sailor Senshi and the Sailor Scouts. Who will win? What will happen? When…
Director: Forget the when part, just get on with it!
Announcer: Okay…so we welcome you now to…Sailor Moon D! (Dumb)
Sailor Moon: (Pops up) THAT'S ME! SAILOR MOON! HEY KIDS, IT'S YOUR ONE AND ONLY MOON GIRL! (starts dancing around on screen, but is suddenly pulled yanked back by a small girl with pink hair)
Director: Did you find the original intro song yet?
Tape Guy: No, sorry sir.
Director: Sigh! (Picks up two items from a box labeled ear plugs and stuffs them in his ears) Continue then.
Intro: FIGHTING EVIL BY MOONLIGHT, WINNING LOVE BY DAYLIGHT…
**At some unnamed park somewhere conveniently near a tall building which sailor senshi can make a grand appearance jumping down from**
Dubbed Moon: It doesn't matter if you've got all your senshi together Sailor Moon, because you know that we're going to win in the end.
Moon: Sure, whatever. Now, remember senshi that I'm Sailor Moon and all the kids out there worship me, so you have to protect me or else our ratings will drop dramatically.
Mars: Hey kids out there! All Sailor Moon does is wave her wand around and get rid of the bad guys who are almost dead anyways, and she gets ALL the credit for it!
Moon: MARS!!! Now all the kids know the truth and they're going to stop watching Sailor Moon, which means our pay stops, which means I don't get my powder covered dough balls anymore! (author note: yummy, you really have to try them)
Subliminal message hidden behind the screen waves: Sailor Moon is the most intelligent, brilliant, beautiful, and talented person ever.
Mercury: Don't worry Sailor Moon. I just put up a subliminal message which will replay every five minutes telling people that you are great.
Moon: What's a subliminal message?
Mercury: It's a message hidden behind the screen waves that makes people think you're the best without them actually paying attention to it.
Mars: Hey Mercury, whose side are you on anyways?
Jupiter: Cut the small talk, we've got some dubbed butts to kick! And besides, we still have Andrew, Molly, and Melvin to fight.
Moon: But I don't wanna hurt them, I wanna heal them!
Venus: Sailor Mercury, what do you have to suggest about how to heal them?
Mercury: Um.. how about we beat them up and then heal them?
Jupiter: What kind of advice is that Sailor Mercury?
Mercury: Sorry, but my computer broke down and you all know that without it I'm as dumb as Sailor Moon.
Mars: Of course.
Moon: Does that mean that those cool messages telling how great I am won't be popping up anymore?!
Mars: Hey, moon girl isn't as stupid as she looks.
Moon: SAILOR MARS!
(while Mars and Moon are arguing, Dubbed Sailor Mars charges up and attacks)
Dubbed Mars: Mars Fire Ignite! (The fire hits Sailor Jupiter)
Jupiter: What the? Okay, miss hot head. I've had it! Jupiter Crystal Power, Make-Up!
Dubbed Jupiter: Huh? What's that? Is it a new transformation I can use once DIC decides to translate the rest of the Sailor Moon episodes?
(Jupiter is now Super Sailor Jupiter)
Super Jupiter: Ha! Suffer the wrath of Super Sailor Jupiter!
Mars: Jupiter you idiot, why'd you transform to Super Sailor Jupiter NOW? Now, you only have one cool looking attack, when before, there were so much more!
Jupiter: Shut up Sailor Mars! I know what I'm doing! Besides, this is a fanfic, remember? I can use any of my attacks EVEN in my super mode!
(Because the director is getting annoyed at Jupiter's attitude, he suddenly causes the tree to fall on her again)
Mars: What is with these trees?
Pluto: Oh, THOSE trees. There was an accident in Crystal Tokyo which caused some gate opening and time shifting, and all those trees come from Crystal Tokyo.
Venus: Oh. That makes sense!
Pluto: Of course it does. I'm Sailor Pluto, everything makes sense. Watch this. (whispers) Dead Scream.
(The ball flies out and smacks Dubbed Mars in the face)
Pluto: See, that made sense.
Moon: It sure did.
Pluto: Well, my part in the battle is done. Gotta go now and fetch Uranus and Neptune so I can keep my promise to them!
Chibi-Moon: And please bring Sailor Saturn too!
Pluto: All right. Farewell!
(Pluto jumps onto the building nearby and disappears)
Luna: I think now is the perfect time for you to transform into super mode.
Senshi: Sure thing!
Mars Crystal Power, Make-Up!
Venus Crystal Power, Make Up!
Mercury Crystal Power, Make Up!
Chibi Moon and Moon: Moon Crisis Power, Make Up!
(Suddenly, all the senshi are standing there in super mode)
Dubbed Moon: Wow, how cool. Let me try that.
Moon Prism…uh…is it star? No, maybe it was opal, or it could easily have been diamond. Uh… Oh! Moon Topaz Power, Revlon!
Super Chibi-Moon: (laughing) HAHAHAHA! You're just as stupid as Sailor Moon!
Super Moon: Hey watch it you little pink rabbit head, or I'll disown you in the future.
Super Mars: I think she's pathetic--just like you Sailor Moon. I want first dibs on that dubbed Sailor Moon over there.
Mars… Flame Sniper!
(An arrow appears in Mars' arm)
Super Mercury: I always wondered how that worked. I mean, the radiation must do awful things to your internal organs Mars.
(The arrow is released and hits dubbed Moon. Dubbed Moon screams and starts wailing)
Dubbed Luna: Sailor Moon, get up and stop crying!
Dubbed Moon: Whazzat? WAHHHH!
Super Mercury: Mercury… Aqua Rhapsody!
(Hits someone who is not Sailor Moon)
The Someone: Hey watch it!
Super Moon: It's Sailor Saturn!
Sailor Saturn: That' right!
Dubbed Moon: ANOTHER? I've already seen 20, now adding one more, that's 28!
Dubbed Mercury: Sailor Moon, how many times do I have to tell you that 5 plus 4 is 7, and 7 plus one is 201?
Sailor Saturn: Chinmoku no hoshi, dosei o shugo ni motsu. Hametsu to tanjou no Senshi, Sailor Saturn! Dubbed Mercury: I am not going to translate that for you, Sailor Moon. If you can't understand it, then TOUGH!
Dubbed Moon: WAHHHH!
(Suddenly, out of nowhere (except from that conveniently placed tall building) a red rose falls out of the air and hits the ground at an angle. Unfortunately, the rose wilts from the pressure and the stem breaks in half)
Voice One: The sound of distress is too much for me to bear.
(A tall figure leaps down from the building and lands on his nose. He picks himself up, brushes off the dirt from his cape, and strikes a confident pose)
Tall Figure: I am Tuxedo Mask!
Tuxedo Kamen: Hey, is this my dubbed version? He's pretty cool.
Super Mars: You think anyone is cool.
Tuxedo Kamen: Well true…but this one's extra cool!
Tuxedo Man: Because I am Tuxedo Mask and my job is to help you (like I really want to) I will translate what she just said for you!
Dubbed Sailor Moon: (with hearts in her eyes) Tuxedo Mask, you're my hero!
Senshi: (All pulling out their barf bags)
Mars: (Her face in her bag) Oh please, don't make us sick!
Tuxedo Mask: She said…
Protected by the planet of love and happiness, I am the soldier of extreme bliss, Sailor Happy!
Saturn: Is he ever so wrong.
Super Moon: (falling to the ground and laughing her head off) WAHAHAHAHA! And I thought you were smart.
Tuxedo Mask: I am!
Saturn: Forget it. He's all nuts.
Dubbed Moon: Now I'll NEVER know what she said!
Saturn: If you're really anxious to know (pulls out her handy dandy English to Japanese and vice versa dictionary) try Webster's New Japanese English and Vice Versa Dictionary! Only $9,999,999 Yen! (Author's note: That's around $9,999 U.S. I think) What a BARGAIN!
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon's not THAT dumb to buy one of those in the middle of a battle!
Dubbed Moon: Hey cool! Where can I get one of those right now?
Tuxedo Mask: Then again…
Super Moon: Dubbed Sailor Moon, if you want THAT dictionary, you're going to have to defeat us first!
Dubbed Moon: (With an air of confidence) Easier said than done. Dubbed Sailor Moon will always win in the end.
Dubbed Mars: And what about us Sailor Moon?
Dubbed Mercury: Yes, what about us?
Dubbed Moon: What ABOUT you?
Dubbed Jupiter: Maybe we should just ditch her right now and help the senshi instead.
Dubbed Moon: Hey, wait a minute! When I win, I'll let you all have two minutes of your very own on the Dubbed Sailor Moon show! How does that sound?
Dubbed Venus: Those words leave me cold.
Dubbed Moon: Guys! (whining)
Dubbed Luna: Sailor Moon, stop complaining already! You really want that dictionary, don't you?
Dubbed Moon: Uh huh!
Dubbed Luna: Then go and defeat those senshi!
Dubbed Moon: Right! That dictionary is mine! (And so is the Sailor Moon show!)
Dubbed Luna: Sailor scouts, help Sailor Moon!
Dubbed Mars: We will, only if…
Dubbed Venus: We get to resign with next months paycheck after all of this is finished without working next month.
Dubbed Luna: Sigh! All right, all right!
Dubbed Mercury: Shining Aqua Illusion!
Super Mars: Hey, Sailor Mercury, how did she get the copyright benefits to use your attack name?
Super Mercury: For some oddball reason, DIC decided to FINALLY use one of the original attacks of Sailor Mercury in Sailor Moon R.
Super Venus: Wait a minute. Does that mean…that this attack will work JUST like yours?
Super Mercury: Well, technically, there are a lot of differences in them, and a little error could…
Super Mars: JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION, MERCURY!
Super Mercury: All right, all right. Yes, it will basically work just like mine.
Super Jupiter: Then shouldn't we be moving before that water thing hits us?
(The water from Dubbed Mercury is only two inches away from the senshi now)
Super Moon and Super Chibi-Moon: AHHHHHH! (screaming in terror)
Saturn: Silence Wall!
(Sailor Saturn raises her silence glaive and protects the senshi from the oncoming water attack)
Dubbed Venus: Wah? What happened?
Dubbed Mercury: (Using her analyzer) It seems that there is a kind of force field surrounding the scouts, emitting from that object Sailor Saturn is carrying.
(Satisfied, Sailor Saturn takes down her Glaive and is taken by surprise by Dubbed Venus' love me chain, which snatches her Japanese dictionary from her and gives it to Dubbed Sailor Moon.)
Dubbed Moon: (In greediful Glee) Heeheehee! Now I have the dictionary and it's all mine! Now what was that thing Sailor Saturn said again? Chimuko no Hosi? No…Chinoso no Hopi? No… Chi…
Saturn: (Really angry) Silence Glaive Surprise!
(Everything turns black and white)
Dubbed Venus: Hey, where did all my color go?
Dubbed Jupiter: Darn, there goes my resolution!
Dubbed Mars: Help, my pixels are starting to lose their coloring!
Dubbed Mercury: I'm turning into greyscale!
Dubbed Moon: HELP! I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOME EARTHQUAKE!
(The earthquake finally stops and leaves four confused scouts and dubbed Sailor Moon lying on the ground)
Super Venus: Sailor Moon, I'm going to attack Andrew, Molly, and Melvin. Then you can turn them back into who they used to be!
Super Moon: Right!
Super Venus: Venus… Love and Beauty Shock! (Kiss)
(The hearts hit all three dubbed characters and make them fall to the ground)
Super Venus: Now, Sailor Moon!
Super Moon: Moon Healing Escalation!
Super Moon: SAILOR JUPITER, YOU TOOK MY BATTERIES!
Super Jupiter: I'm kinda stuck underneath this tree again Sailor Moon…
Voice One: No you're not Sailor Jupiter, for I have freed you!
(The tree flies off Jupiter and she gets back up.)
Voice Two: Now give your batteries back to Sailor Moon so she can heal those three dubbed kids!
Super Moon: Hey, Uranus, Neptune! You're back!
Neptune: You bet we are! We wouldn't miss this battle for the world.
Uranus: Well, maybe if it was for the world we would.
Neptune: Not me.
Uranus: Right, whatever. (sarcastically)
Super Jupiter: (giving batteries from her tiera to Super Sailor Moon)
Super Moon: Thanks a bunch. Now I'm ready.
Moon Healing Escalation!
(Lots of special effects before the three "minions" are back to normal again)
Naru-chan: Wow, what happened. Hey Sailor Moon, what are you doing here?
Sailor Moon: That's SUPER Sailor Moon.
Motoki: Well, I don't know what just happened, but since my part in this story is finished, I'm going back home.
Umino: Same here, even though Sailor Moon sure is beautiful tonight.
Super Moon: That's SUPER SAILOR MOON!!!!
Naru-chan: I think Sailor Moon's in a bad mood right now. Let's go.
(All three walk off into the night and leave. The next morning they wake up with a headache but not remembering what happened the night before. Now back to the fight)
Super Jupiter: Jupiter…Oak Evolution!
(The sign of Jupiter glows in her hands which can't be healthy for her hand muscles, she twirls around getting all dizzy. Leaves hit Dubbed Jupiter who falls down and is proclaimed dead)
Super Mercury: Mercury… Aqua Mirage! (Play harp, water shoots at Dubbed Mercury, who joins Dubbed Jupiter on the ground)
Super Venus: I'm still recharging my batteries which I used up on my last attack. Come back to me later.
Neptune: Deep Submerge! (It hits Dubbed Venus, who as you can guess, also falls to the ground)
Mars: Hey, don't look at me. I refuse to use my flame sniper as I hear from Mercury that it gives your body awful radiation.
Uranus: World Shaking! (Well, there goes Dubbed Mars too!)
(Now, only Dubbed Moon is left)
Super Moon: Come on guys, lets weaken this dubbed moon who thinks she's so hot.
Moon Tiera Action!
Super Mars: Fire Soul!
Super Mercury: Shabon Spray Freezing!
(All three attacks join together and hit Dubbed Moon with great force)
Dubbed Moon: Ow, that hurt!
Super Moon: (pulling out her moon rod)
Moon Rainbow Heart Ache!
(Lots of spins and twirls here, which is amazing that Sailor Moon is so good at this but so klutzy at everything else. She finally falls down from dizziness, but not before letting loose a couple of hearts in Dubbed Moon's direction)
Dubbed Moon: YAHHHH! HELP ME!!!
(Finally, the last scout is gone)
Super Mars: We're finally finished!
Super Jupiter: Let's have a party! I'll even bake the cookies for it!
Super Chibi-Moon: YEAH! ONE LESS SAILOR MOON IN THE WORLD!
Super Moon: (Rubbing her sore butt as she fell on it) Shut up, Sailor Chibi-Moon.
Super Chibi-Moon: You shouldn't swear like that.
Super Moon: You think Shut up is swearing? I'll show you swearing you little **** brat and you ****#*&*%$@^$#* and &%#**…
Announcer: (Voice appearing over Sailor Moon's though you can still see her mouth moving) And so that concludes Sailor Moon D! (Dumb) Tune in next time, where we will start from the very beginning again, when crybaby Usagi finds out that she is Sailor Moon. Good bye everyone!
Note: And what, do you viewers ask, happened to the Sailor scouts who died so horribly in battle? Don't worry about them. Serena woke up in the morning not remembering a thing from the day before just like usual, and was late for school just like usual, though the word "Chibi-Moon" kept popping in her mind for some oddball reason. Mina woke up with a headache and stayed home from school, also not remembering a thing. She did, however, resolve to buy real Venus Love Me chains this time. Raye woke up from a bad dream of fighting a Japanese version of herself and consulted the sacred fire to see what it meant. Her results are something we do not know yet. Lita woke up with a strong urge to buy triple A batteries and place them into her tiera (how, she didn't know) while Amy woke up, pondered about her weird dream, and then forgot it all as she studied for the big biochemistry exam coming up next month.
And so you see, that even though the scouts died, they were somehow brought back to life (like usual) and didn't remember a thing. Maybe one day they'll remember the big fight, and will learn from the wise words of the real senshi. One day…they will.
Move on to...
Summary Page and Author's Notes of Sailormoon D
Main Fanfic Page