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Sailormoon D: Sailormoon in trouble? Tuxedo Kamen saves the day!
Or if you're picky...
Tuxedo Kamen to the Rescue!
Or if you have to read it like DIC writes it...
Tuxedo Mask to the Rescue!

Announcer: Welcome back, to yet another fun filled exciting adventure of Sailor Moon D! (Dumb)

Sailor Mars: Oh, whoopdidoo. Let's hear it for Sailor Moon, who just sits there and waves some stick around, kills the bad guys we spent all our powers weakening, and then gets all the credit.

Sailor Moon: Sailor Mars, you're not supposed to tell my worshippers out there the true nature of my fighting!

Sailor Venus: Guys, we're on air. Get back behind the TV Screen!

All: Right!

Announcer: Ahem, anyways… on our last episode, two of the outer senshi, Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune, showed up. So did the Sailor Starlights, and dubbed Sailor Venus and dubbed Sailor Mars went home for dinner, leaving dubbed Sailor Moon by herself. Unfortunately, the inner senshi are still trapped underneath a tree, and Uranus and Neptune were also trapped from a very similar falling tree. Dubbed Sailor Moon has just called on her minions, and they are ready to attack…

Intro: Fighting evil by moonlight, finding love by daylight! Never running from a real fight, she's the one named Sailor Moon!

Director: HELLOO! This is Japan here, so what are we doing playing a DIC song? Huh? Let's get the original Sailor Moon song out on TV, shall we?

Tape guy: Sorry sir, but all we could find was this one.

Director: All right, go on.

Intro: She will never turn her back on a friend…

Sailor Mars: Sure, she won't. (sarcastic)

Sailor Moon: MARS!

Intro: She's always there to lend a hand…

Sailor Mars: *cough* *gag*

(Moon gives Mars an evil glare)

Intro: Never running from a real fight…

Sailor Mars: What about that time we were fighting the black kingdom and she wanted to go away?

Intro: She's the one named Sailor Moon…

Sailor Mars: Really, I never guessed that?

Intro: She's the one….Sailor MOON!

Sailor Moon: That's ME!

Sailor Mars: Sure….

Sailor Moon: WAHHH!!! MARSSSS!!!

**Back at that park somewhere out there**
(Sailor Moon has become weaker and is not Super Sailor Moon, just plain old moon)

Moon: Say it's not true…are these really your minions!

Dubbed Moon: Yes! Meet…

Minion One: I am formerly Naru-chan, now Molly.

Minion Two: I am formerly Umino, now Melvin.

Minion Three: I am formerly Motoki, now Andrew.

Moon: Ahh! You've captured all my friends and turned them into dubbed versions of themselves! HELP!


Moon: Don't worry guys, I'll get you back!
(Pulling out her healing wand)
Moon Healing Escalation!

Two hearts pop out and go plink on Naru-chan's (now Molly's) head.

Molly: What was that?

Moon: Oops! Hehe! I used Chibi-Usa's sugar stick thing again. This time I'll get it right!

Luna: Augh! Let's hope so!

Moon: Moon Healing Escalation!

(A sparkly twirly thing flies out of Moon's healing wand and surround Molly, but nothing happens)

Luna: Sailor Moon, have you forgotten! You have to weaken your opponent or catch them off guard before you can heal them!

Moon: Oh yeah, but how am I going to do that without the Sailor senshi? You know the only thing I can do is destroy the already weak enough bad guys and get all the credit and fame. I'm a publicity figure, not a fighting one!

Sailor Starfighter: Hey, what about us Starlights, huh?

Sailor Starhealer: Yeah, you forgot all about us already?

Sailor Starmaker: Let us in on some of the action.

Sailor Starhealer: She just wants to say the word "Uterus", I know her.

Sailor Starmaker: No, I want to say the whole thing. It sounds neat.

Sailor Starfighter: Are you saying that YOU sound neater than ME, the lead singer?

Sailor Starmaker: Yes, I mean no, I mean…let's just get on with the story, okay?

Sailor Starfighter and Sailor Starhealer: FINE!

Moon: Oh, I forgot about you!

Luna: Like usual.

Moon: Luna, you're meant to be on MY SIDE!

Molly: (Moving in on moon) We'll get you Moon, you won't escape us!

Andrew: Yeah, Sailor Moon, you little bratty meatball head!

Moon: Meatballs? They're ODANGOS for gosh sakes!

Melvin: I don't care what they are, we'll just slice them off and feed them to my pet preying mantis!

Molly: EWW Melvin, you're SO gross!

Sailor Starmaker: Never fear Sailor Moon, I'll save you!

Sailor Starhealer: (groaning) Here it comes. I know it.

Sailor Starmaker: Star Gentle UTERUS! (Molly gets hit by the energy and falls back into Melvin's arms, who smiles at her. She sticks her tongue out at him and gets back up, ready to move in on Sailor Moon again)

Sailor Starhealer: Now what was that for? You said Uterus, right? But you hardly hurt her!

Sailor Starmaker: Hey, stop it. Let's see how good you are.

Sailor Starhealer: Gladly. Star Sensitive Inferno!

(The star appears in Healer's hand and she shoots the lightning energy forward at Andrew)

Andrew: Ow, that hurt! Now you'll pay!

Sailor Starhealer: Ooh! I'm scared! (sarcastic)

Sailor Starfighter: Star Serious Laser!

Moon: (with hearts in her eyes) Wow, what a nifty looking attack! Sometimes I could just forget that Sailor Starfighter is a scantily clad female…

**On top of a building**

Tuxedo Kamen: Uh Oh, Sailor Moon is giving Fighter that look. It's time I interceded.

**Back in the park**

Melvin: I summon you, my butterfly collection, to attack that fighter geek!

Fighter: Hey, you're the geek, glasses boy.

(Suddenly, a bunch of butterflies pop out of Melvin's butterfly collection case and attack Fighter. She falls to the ground)

Healer: I'll attack you again with my sensitive inferno, as it's the only cool looking attack I have. Star Sensitive Inferno!

Molly: No you don't! (Molly does something she knows that counter attacks the lightning energy and sends it back to Healer, who drops down to the ground)

Maker: What? Oh well, now I can say Uterus again!
Star Gentle Uterus!

Andrew: Eat this! (Picks up Sailor V dolls and pelts Maker with them until she drops down to the ground too)

Sailor Venus: (muffled voice as she's underneath a tree) Hey, quit throwing dolls of me at some bikini dressed woman, will ya? It's not polite.

Andrew: Sorry, it's the only thing I could get from the arcade that I could attack her with at such a short moment's notice.

Sailor Venus: 'Tis okay, just don't do it again!

Dubbed Moon: You're doomed Sailor Moon! Japan will be under DIC's wrath soon. HAHAHAHA!

Voice One: Not so fast! You can't take Sailor Moon while I'm here!

Dubbed Moon: Who's that? Not another senshi! How many does Japan have? WAHHH! (More wailing)

Moon: Why, it's…

Voice One: Sailor Chibi-Moon!

Luna: And…

Chibi-Moon: Uh…I forgot my intro speech.

Luna: Forget it.

Chibi-Moon: Okay, that's good, because I already told you I did!

Dubbed Moon: What? RINI is a sailor scout?!

Chibi-Moon: You got that right. And the name is Chibi-Usa!

Dubbed Moon: Chibi-wah?

Chibi-Moon: Forget it. Pink Sugar Heart Attack!

(Giant hearts fly out of Chibi-Moon's stick. She drops it, stares at it, and laughs)

Oh my gosh! I have your spiral wand, Sailor Moon!

Moon: (exchanges stick for wand) Thank goodness too! All that dinky little stick of yours did was shoot out two pink hearts each time.

Chibi-Moon: That's cause you don't know how to use it. Like usual.

Moon: Oh shut up, Sailor Chibi-Moon.

(Chibi-Moon sticks her tongue out at Moon, who returns with her tongue sticking out. Soon, a tongue sticking war has erupted. What's new?)

Dubbed Luna: Come on dubbed Sailor Moon, while they're fighting!

Dubbed Moon: Right. Moon Scepter Elimination! (Music starts playing)

(Chibi-Moon and Sailor Moon fall to the ground and start screaming as the cutesy star and moon sparkles come flying towards them)

Moon: I'm too young to die. WAHHH!

Chibi-Moon: You're too young? What do you think I am?

(Suddenly, a rose flies out of the air and knocks the moon scepter out of dubbed Sailor Moon's hand, stopping the sparkles before they reach Sailor Moon and Sailor Chibi-Moon.)

Dubbed Moon: (Angry) What's this?

Moon: It's Tuxedo Kamen! He came to save me because he knew that I was in trouble. On perfect time like always! (Moon runs over and hugs Tuxedo Kamen)

Tuxedo Kamen: What? You were in trouble? (Thinking to himself now) "Where's that dirty Sailor Starfighter trying to steal MY girlfriend?"

Sailor Chibi-Moon: Just play along with it and make her believe that's the real reason you appeared.

Tuxedo Kamen: (Straightening up) Uh…the only good show is the original show so we all know that dubbed Sailor Moon is really really bad and evil…uh…and you won't get away with it. In the name of the Earth, you're punished!

Sailor Chibi-Moon: Hey, you're not a sailor senshi! Why are you saying that?

Tuxedo Kamen: My writers are on strike and until they return I have to make up my own corny sayings. How did you like it?

Sailor Moon: (Sticking her tongue out) Stupid with a capital Z!

Mercury: (still underneath the tree) Actually, Sailor Moon, it's stupid with a capital S.

Moon: Shut up Mercury. It's Z, and I know it! I may be dumb, but I'm not THAT dumb to fall for your tricks! I know it's Z, so just SHUT UP!

Dubbed Moon: Enough with the arguing, I'm GONNA replace all the cartoons in Japan with DIC's Sailor Moon, and there's nothing you can do about it! In fact, I'll even…AHH! (A scream is heard as dubbed Sailor Moon trips on someone's foot and falls down)
What was that?! (screaming her head off and wailing)

Owner of the foot that tripped Dubbed Moon: Do you really want to find out?

Dubbed Moon: Of course I do!

Owner of the foot that tripped Dubbed Moon: I'm the one and only, Sailor Pluto, guardian of the time portal. At least in the dubbed version they only showed a bit of me, so I'm still one and unique!

Dubbed Moon: Ahh! ANOTHER senshi! How many does that make now? Let's see, there's moon, mercury, mars, Venus, and Jupiter adding up to 5, then there's Uranus, Neptune, Chibi-Moon, and you, adding up to 4…5 plus 4 equals… (a look of horror crosses dubbed moon's face) OH NO!!! I HAVE TO FIGHT 20 SENSHI!

Moon: No you dummy. Five plus four equals eleven, not twenty. Everyone knows that!

Chibi-Moon: Um…Sailor Moon?

Moon: Not now Chibi-Moon, I'm trying to tell that dubbed moonie the truth here.

Chibi-Moon: But five plus four equals nine…

Moon: Boy, Chibi-Moon! You're really STUPID, you know that? HOW in the name of the moon did you get THAT number?

Pluto: I can't possibly imagine how Sailor Moon could be Neo-Queen Serenity in the future. It just boggles the mind to think about it. Do you want me to help you, Sailor Moon?

Moon: How are you going to do that? There's only you, me, and Sailor Chibi Moon to fight Andrew, Molly, and Melvin!

Chibi-Moon: Actually, I think we're strong enough.

Pluto: Yes, but I have to do something to advance the plot of the story and get all of the other favorite senshi out. You've hogged the spotlight long enough, Sailor Moon!

Moon: And how do you expect to get the other senshi back into the scene?

Pluto: Simple. I'll just take those two trees off the original senshi and put life back into dubbed Sailor Mercury and dubbed Sailor Jupiter.

Tuxedo Kamen: But how can you do that? That's impossible!

Pluto: What are you talking about? I'm Sailor Pluto, I can do anything I want to in this show, okay?

Tuxedo Kamen: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Okay, oh guardian of the time portal gate, let's see your work.

(There is a flash of light and suddenly all of the inner and outer senshi (including Sailor Saturn for some oddball reason) and the scouts are also there. Pluto stands off to the side looking pleased.)

Moon: That was IT? No fancy somersaults, or leg lifts, or arm swings at ALL? Just a flash of light, and ZAP, all the senshi and scouts are back? What kind of an exhibitionist are you anyways?!

Pluto: A conservative one. Now let's see some action! Come on everyone, look alive!

Moon: (Pulling out her scepter) RIGHT!

Mercury: (Grabbing her REAL computer and putting figures into it) I'm ready.

Mars: (Running to 7-eleven (yes, there is a 7-eleven in Japan) and buying some evil warding parchments) All set!

Jupiter: (Emptying two triple A batteries out of her tier and putting in the ones she found inside Sailor Moon's healing wand) Charged up and ready to go!

Moon: Hey, those are MY BATTERIES!

Venus: (Hastily putting down a magazine filled with pictures of movie stars and grinning at an angry Luna) Um…I was just taking a break. But I'm ready to go now!

Uranus: I'm all set…what?

Neptune: You can't be serious!

Luna: What is it?

Uranus: The author is writing us out of the script. Hmmph, fine have it YOUR way! But you better bring us back before the battle ends.

Neptune: The author says we'll do SOME fighting before the battle ends, but that we have to go now.

Uranus and Neptune: See ya kiddies, and good luck!

(Uranus, Neptune, and Saturn detransform and walk out of the park, Tuxedo Kamen gaping at Uranus as her detransformation reveals her butt unclothed)

Moon: (Elbows Tuxedo Kamen in the nose) HEY, watch it! You're MY fiancé, don't forget that!

Announcer: What will happen in our next and finally, LAST episode of Sailor Moon D? (Dumb) (Wow, shortest Sailor Moon season I've ever seen!) Will the sailor senshi win? Or will the Sailor scouts prevail in the end? What is Japan's fate…could it possibly be taken over by dubbed Sailor Moon and have all it's people brainwashed into screaming the words, "GO SERENA!" instead of "YEAH USAGI!"? When will Uranus and Neptune appear again, and JUST HOW LONG will this battle last? Tune in tomorrow, same time, same place, on Sailor Moon D! (Dumb)

Special Note: If you want to see the sailor senshi turn into super sailor senshi, then the next episode is a must read for you. Besides, if you've gotten this far you might as well finish it!

Move on to...
Sailormoon D: The Time of Fate! The Ultimate Battle!
Summary Page and Author's Notes of Sailormoon D
Main Fanfic Page