Sailor Moon: That's right kids, and guess what you're going to be watching? Today, on Sailor Moon, we…uh…well we do something, and then some bad guy from the negaverse pops up, and then I transform and beat him up, and then we all have a wonderful happy time. So stay tuned, okay?
Intro: (Sung by incredibly annoying kids) Fighting evil by moonlight, finding love by daylight, never running from a real fight, she's the one named Sailor Moon! She will…
**Over in Japan Sailor Moon has just started, with (thank goodness) a nicer intro song than the one DIC provided those poor anime deprived American kids with**
Rei: (Is by the sacred fire, kneeling down in front of it) Oh sacred fire, tell us who we will be facing next…
Usagi: Uh Rei-chan? I sure hope you don't intend to take that thing seriously, because…
Rei: Shut up you odango atama!
Usagi: All right, suit yourself!
Rei: It's not working! I don't get it!
Mako: Rei-chan, maybe you should just listen to Usagi.
Rei: Okay odango atama, what is it?
Usagi: That's the new microwave oven, Rei. The sacred fire is in the other room.
Rei: (Turning red) Of course I knew that, what do you think I am, baka?
(Minako, Mako, and Usagi all nod in unison. Ami is too busy studying biochemistry to notice what is going on)
Rei: (gasping as she stares at what she sees in the fire) I don't believe it! It can't be!
Ami: (Finally looking up from her book) What is it Rei-chan? Anything I can analyze, or compute, or…"
Minako: Ami-chan, shut up. Or I'll take that book of yours and slam it on top of your head.
Usagi: Yeah, Ami, and I bet she ain't gonna be too sorry about it.
Ami: She WON'T be too sorry about that, Usagi-chan. Practice your grammar.
Ami: Just thought I'd make that clear!
(Usagi sticks her tongue out at Ami, who has her head buried in her book and does not notice.)
Mako: Well Rei-chan, what do you see?
Usagi: Is it the black kingdom?
Minako: Or the black moon family?
Mako: What about Mistress 9?
Usagi: The Amazon Trio! (She even forgot that the Amazon Trio turned good)
Minako: Queen Galaxia?
Rei: NO!! It's the Sailor Moon team from the U.S.!
Usagi: I don't see what's so bad about that.
Mako: Usagi, you wouldn't be suspicious even if flower petals suddenly materialized in the sky and started floating down on you. (Referring to Sailor Moon R Movie)
Usagi: Shut up Mako-chan.
Rei: Guys, it's worse than you can ever imagine.
Minako: How's that?
Rei: They're DUBBED!!!
(Somewhere in the DIC Sailor Moon version, Serena, Raye, Amy, Lita, Mina, Artemis, and Luna all fall through a black hole and land in a place almost, but not quite, like the place they were in just a few seconds ago)
Serena: Ooh, that hurt! What just happened there?
Mamoru: (with Chibi-Usa) Hey, there's Usagi. Why don't we go say hi to her?
Chibi-Usa: Uh…can we not?
Serena: (seeing Mamoru) Ahh! It's DARIEN! DARIEN, HI! You won't believe what just happened to me! I was walking along looking at my wonderful English test grade when suddenly a black hole opened beneath me and I was sucked in but then I fell out of it and here I am right where I was before and how come Rini is with you huh?
Chibi-Usa: Wow, she sure can hold her breath!
Mamoru: Yeah, but who's this Darien, Usagi?
Serena: Why are you calling me Usagi? And YOU'RE Darien!
Mamoru: Odango atama must have really hit her head when she fell.
Serena: My name's SERENA!!! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT!!!
Chibi-Usa: She's always like this.
Usagi: (stepping in) Hey! Mamo-chan, whose this girl you're talking to? (tears well up in her eyes) Don't tell me you've found another odango atama…WAHHHHH!
Mamoru: (Utterly confused) Uh…what just happened here? Think it's time to transform into Tuxedo Kamen! (Transforms)
Usagi: Mamo-chan, you idiot. Tuxedo Kamen only comes when the Sailor Senshi are in dire need of help!
Tuxedo Kamen: Oh, you're right. Better leave until you need me! Besides, I still need to think up a corny saying for this episode. See ya, Odango atama! (He leaps onto a building and disappears)
Serena: Who are you? And why do you have meatballs like me? THAT'S MY HAIRSTYLE!
Usagi: These aren't meatballs you Mamo-chan stealer, they're ODANGO! O-dan-go!
Serena: Oh yeah, but I don't care what they are! I'm leaving, and you better get rid of those meatballs before I come back!
(Haruka and Michiru are sitting in a restaurant eating lunch, when suddenly the camera zooms in on them)
Haruka: Hey, what are we doing in this episode? It's our lunch break you know!
Michiru: (flips her hair) I kind of like the attention. Zoom in on me, cameraman.
Haruka: (after talking with the director) Oh, I see! We're worried people out there are confused and so we're meant to tell them what happened. It's very simple actually.
Michiru: Yes. The DIC Sailor Senshi are trying to take over the earth…
Haruka: …by destroying the original senshi and replacing them with freshly dubbed ones….
Michiru: ….so that Japan will start having messed up senshi named Serena and Rini
Haruka: …and will submit to whatever North America says after that. We make a good pair, don't we Michiro?
Michiru: Of course we do, but when do I get to have a strip show and transform?
Haruka: Patience Michiru, patience. Let the story get moving first.
***In some park which is conveniently near Usagi's house***
(Since our viewers out there are needing a bit of pointless action, here's a fight between Sailor Moon and…uh…Sailor Moon. Well, the original vs. the dubbed. Let's get going!)
(Usagi, Makoto, Rei, Minako, and Ami are in the park facing Serena, Lita, Raye, Mina, and Amy)
Serena: We've got you now, you original sailor moonies. Soon, the DIC dubbed moonies will be the only one Japanese kids will worship!
Usagi: You've got to be kidding, you dubbed girl! The Original Sailor Moon…
Rei: …and the sailor senshi…
Usagi: …will always win in the end!
Minako: Right! So prepare yourselves you dubbed ones….
Usagi: Or in the name of the moon, you're punished!
Serena: No way! In the name of the dubbed moon, I'll punish you!
Usagi: What are you talking about, you fake Sailor Moon? I'll punish you!
Serena: No I will!
(The argument goes on for thirty minutes before Ami and Amy politely asks them to stop so that both of the Ami/Amys can study for their big test next month)
Luna: Quick Sailor Moon, transform!
Dubbed Luna: Quick Sailor Moon, transform!
Serena: Ooh, do I have to?
Usagi: Moon Cosmic Power, Make Up!
Rei: I wonder what kind Sailor Moon uses. Revlon or Chanel?
Serena: Wait, wait for me! Moon Crystal Power!
Mako: The dubbed Sailor Moon doesn't use make up?
Minako: I suppose not, no wonder she looks so bland.
Moon: Hah! Is that all you got to? Moon Crystal Power? I'm already shouting cosmic, and I can turn super if you want!
Dubbed Moon: You've got to be kidding, you dumb moon. My crystal power is a lot better than your cosmic!
Moon: Be ready to die…uh…
Dubbed Moon: No, you die! Uh…
Luna: Why are you hesitating Sailor Moon?
Dubbed Luna: Yeah, Sailor Moon, why don't you attack that original moon princess right in front of you?
Moon: I can't use my attack unless she's beaten up by the senshi first, and you know I have no other attack as I'm a worthless bum.
Dubbed Moon: Same here.
Luna: Oh my gosh. Sailor senshi, get in there and help Sailor Moon!
Dubbed Luna: Not so fast. Go, Sailor scouts!
Sailor senshi: Scouts? WAHAHAHAHA! (They all fall down to the floor, laughing at the pathetic name DIC made up in place of senshi)
Senshi: Yeah Luna, we read you!
Jupiter Star Power, Make up!
Mars Star Power, Make up!
Mercury Star Power, Make up!
Venus Star Power, Make up!
Scouts: Two can play at that game!
Jupiter Star Power!
Mars Star Power!
Mercury Star Power!
Venus Star Power!
Mars: You know dubbed Mars, you really should get some make up. You look really bad without it. I mean, you could at least get some eye shadow!
Venus: Yeah, dubbed Venus! You put all the venuses out there to shame with your bland lips. Couldn't you even find some lip gloss?
Moon: Guys, you're going to have to get those scouts first before you can get moon! Then I can destroy all of them at once!
Jupiter: Yes, oh moon princess your highness.
Mars: Who does she think she is, ordering people around?
Luna: Can you just get on with it?
Venus: Venus Crescent Beam Shower!
(Pretty little lights explode from Venus' crescent beam and hit dubbed Mars, who starts dancing around as they hit her foot)
Dubbed Mars: Hah, you think you're so hot. Taste my…Mars Celestial Surround!
Mars: Mars Celestial WHAT? What kind of dumb attack is that? Is that supposed to be MY Burning Mandala? What an insult!
Jupiter: Mars, get rid of the evil in dubbed Mars, will you? She's really starting to annoy me with her pathetic dubbed attack calls!
Mars: Gotcha, Jupiter!
(Mars pulls out her parchment and starts chanting on it)
Mars: Rin, pyou, tou, sha, kai, jin, retsu, sai, zen. Akuryou taisan!"
Dubbed Mars: Rin pyo wha? Akuryou what? AHH!
(Mars sticks the parchment on dubbed mars' chest, but it doesn't do anything)
Dubbed Mars: Hey, watch where you place that thing, okay?
Venus: Why didn't it work?
Mars: I guess it just goes to show that in all forms, Sailor Mars shows no evil.
Jupiter: Whatever. My turn! Jupiter Supreme Thunder Dragon!
(Dubbed Jupiter screams as the Dragon eats her up whole.)
Dragon: Burp. Yuck, what a disgusting taste! Guess that's just what Sailor Jupiter tastes like!
Jupiter: Hey you thunder dragon. You're not meant to be doing anything except fighting those scouts, less insulting me.
Dragon: Well, EXCUSE ME! I think I'll go now!
(Dragon leaves with one last electrocuting protest)
Jupiter: Smart aleck!
Dubbed Mercury: Hey, where's that Sailor Mercury? I want to fight some one of my own intellect!
Luna: (shouting over to Mercury who is sitting on the benches studying for her big test)
Get over here Mercury, what are you trying to do, kill us all?
Mercury: Okay, okay! Calm down, just let me memorize this last term.
Luna: SAILOR MERCURY!
Mercury: (drops book and runs over to face the dubbed Mercury)
Moon: Hey Mercury, since you arrived late you're going to have to make your intro speech.
Mercury: No Sailor Moon! Do I have to?
Mercury: All right, now how did it go…(Intro music starts)
Ai to Chiteki no sailorfuku bishoujo senshi, Sailormercury!
Dubbed Mercury: What did that all mean?
Mercury: The Pretty Sailor Suited Solider of Love and Intelligence, Sailormercury!
And I thought that you were smart like me? Hmmph, you're just a big fake!
Dubbed Mercury: Oh yeah? Mercury Bubble Blast!
(Bubbles float out and pop one by one instead of fogging the place up like they should)
Dubbed Mercury: Oops! He he, think I need to recharge! (Out of no where she pulls out a bucket of soapy water, sticks her finger in it, and shouts…) Mercury Bubble Blast!
(Again, the bubbles pop one by one and leave all the sailor senshi laughing)
Dubbed Mercury: Sailor scouts, what's wrong with my bubble blast?
Mercury: Don't you know that pirated goods never work like the original? Let me show you the REAL Mercury attack, and it doesn't just fog up your bathroom mirror!
Double Shabon Spray Freezing!
(Soap suds shoot out of Sailor Mercury and freeze dubbed Mercury)
Moon: All right, that's two scouts down, and three more to go! GO SENSHI!
Mars: (to dubbed Mars) Does the dubbed Sailor Moon do anything besides sit there and cheer just like the original, then use some "demon away" thing at the end and get all the credit AND a show title to herself?
Dubbed Mars: Yeah, and don't you hate it when…
(Soon Mars and Dubbed Mars are fast friends and decide to gang up on dubbed Sailor Moon, who is far worse than the real sailor moon)
Venus: Oh, thanks for letting me finally enter the scene! Venus Love Me Chain!
Dubbed Venus: Not so fast, let me do my… Venus Lovely Chain!
(The two chains lock onto each other and try to rip the other apart. The original chain of course breaks the fake one, which turns out to just be a bunch of metal hearts chained together, then spray painted gold.)
Venus: Huh, cheap skate! I bet you couldn't afford a real Venus Love Me Chain.
Dubbed Venus: Hey, do you know what they charge in the U.S. for Venus chains these days?
(Suddenly, a hole opens up in the sky and a giant tree falls on Sailor Mercury, Sailor Jupiter, Sailor Mars,
and Sailor Venus.) Moon: (broken up) OH NO!!! WE'RE OUTNUMBERED, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE AND DIC WILL TAKE OVER! WAHHHHHH!
(But suddenly out of no where, two voices are heard)
Voice One: Don't worry Sailor Moon, cause we're here!
Voice Two: And we'll protect you!
Announcer: Who are the two voices? How will the senshi beat the scouts when they are out numbered? Will our favorite senshi ever return again? What will be the ultimate fate of the original senshi and of Japan? And just WHERE did that tree come from?!
Sailor Moon: Find out all this later, on Sailor Moon D! (D for Dubbed of course, if you're stupid like me and can't figure that out yourself!)
Sailor Mercury: Actually Sailor Moon, it's D for Dumb. As you know, each season is named after a transformation. For example S is named after the Super transformation, so D is named Dumb because you…
(suddenly Mercury is muted to prevent toy companies from losing money on selling Sailor Moon toys once the kids find out what the D really stands for)
Sailor Mars: You know, I did not like that tree falling on me. I bet it was those idiot Sailor Starlights, wasn't it? It always is! I'M TELLING YOU! (Scene closes on Mars being yanked off the screen by Sailor Starfighter.
Move on to...
Sailormoon D: The battle continues! Outer senshi and Starlights make their appearance!
Summary Page and Author's Notes of Sailormoon D
Main Fanfic Page